Foreword:
Emigration has
fascinated many people: researchers, family members and descendants, the people
who stayed behind, storytellers, and many more.
Hylke Speerstra is one
storyteller who pursued the experience of the emigrant seriously. He traveled to three continents to gather the
stories; then he wrote a book, It wrede
paradys. It became an immediate
best-seller in Friesland, and it sold well in the Dutch translation too. [I translated it later: Cruel Paradise.]
The book incited so
much interest that the Leeuwarder Courant, Friesland’s main newspaper, decided
to sponsor a symposium on the topic of emigration.
Researcher Annemieke
Galema who wrote a book on the emigration wave of the 19th century (Frisians to America, 1880-1914: With the
baggage), author Hylke Speerstra, and I were invited to be presenters to an
audience of more than 500 in the Harmonie Hall in Leeuwarden, in October 1999.
[Note: the speech that follows was given in Frisian, which
version is my blog entry of January 2012]
THE IMMIGRANT ADVENTURE: The Quest to Belong
Speech given at a
Symposium on Emigration, held in Ljouwert (Leeuwarden) in October 1999,
featuring talks by Dr. Henry J. Baron and Dr. Annemieke Galema, and an
interview with the author Hylke Speerstra.
________________________________________
Introduction
I'm very grateful to
Hylke Speerstra and Pieter Sijpersma from the Leeuwarder Courant, because I'm
really happy to be participating in this event. The subject of emigration is,
after all, close to my heart.
Body
I've had my nose in
the books practically all my life. The "School with the Bible" in Opende
couldn’t boast of a large library in the 40s; I must’ve read through the whole
collection at least twice. The reading and teaching of literature eventually
became my profession; literature that reveals all the ways in which human kind
practices its humanity and inhumanity. And in literature one soon discovers
that a person, in order to remain human, has certain basic needs. One of the
most important is a sense of belonging. A feeling that one is part of things.
We need it for security. It gives us a feeling of satisfaction. It gives a
sense of significance, the conviction that our life has value and meaning, for
we cannot live without that.
Not
really. But the immigrant experience jeopardizes that sense of belonging. Now
it’s true, that sometimes, when people feel they don’t belong, they don’t
count, they have no standing or they’ve lost it, they flee: they emigrate, to
pursue that quest in another place. But more often, I think, the decision to
emigrate is made without much thought of that basic need to belong.
However, it quickly raises its insistent cry when
the immigrants wake up in a strange place where they don’t know anybody, don’t
understand anybody, and feel estranged from the culture.
Let
me give you some examples.
After our arrival in
Hoboken, NJ, in May of 1948, we took the train from one end of the land to the
other. I had had one year of ULO (middle school)-English , and I thought I knew
something about the pronunciation system of the language. So I asked a fellow
passenger: "We stop in Chai-cai-go?" I soon discovered there was no
such place, but we definitely would stop in Chicago. We transferred to another
train there that would take us all the way to the state of Washington. When
passengers asked us how far we were going, I announced confidently, "To
Seetle." There wasn't a soul that had ever heard of "Seetle."
Fortunately we did make it to Seattle eventually, but my confidence in what I
knew of English plummeted dramatically. We were very much strangers in a foreign
land, objects of curiosity and even entertainment.
I worked in the fields
that first summer, picking strawberries and then raspberries weeks after
landing in the new land. The many other boys and girls I worked with became my
language teachers. During the first few weeks they would tell me to deliver
messages to the field boss. Well, I was eager to please, of course, for that
sense of belonging, you know? But I still had no idea what the words I was to
say meant. So I go to the boss with the message of my new friends, and I say
without realizing what I said: "You’re full of shit." And another
time: "Move your ass." And “Fuck you!” I sort of enjoyed that my new
friends got such a kick out of that, much more so than my boss, of course. (Fortunately,
she was blessed with understanding and later gave me a private lesson in the
meaning of some vocabulary words.)
I wasn’t going to the
ULO anymore, but I learned a lot of English that first summer.
The point is that language functions as perhaps our
strongest bond of connection.
Here’s
another illustration. A group of us meets every other week for lunch. We call
ourselves, just for the fun of it, "the Frisian Lunchers." Nearly all
of us are offspring of first generation Frisian immigrants. We range in age
from 60 to 80-plus. Not all of us are in the same profession or belong to the
same political party. For nearly all of us English is or has become our first
language. We get together because we love to practice the language of our
parents, even if it’s rather brokenly. It links us together. No matter where we
meet each other, in a store or on the street or at a concert, our greeting is
likely to be in Frisian, creating an instant bond. Moreover, because in the
States Frisian functions as our second language, it doesn’t have to be perfect
to make us feel that we have a shared identity, that we belong together.
But
when language fails as the language of the land where you live, the connection
is jeopardized or broken. And that was often the case with immigrants.
I
remember what a struggle my dad had with the new language at age 52. How
frustrated he would get when he had to communicate with the farmer with whom he
was in partnership and didn’t have the words. And Dad was a man who never had
to search for a word, because he was a reader and facile with his pen. Now he
had to depend on his children to find the right words for him. It’s not hard to
imagine how frustrating that must’ve been for him. How could the immigrants
feel at home without knowing the language of the new land!
When
you finally gain some mastery over the new language and you can handle it well,
but still it's not altogether right and there's still a thick, foreign accent,
your tongue is a constant reminder that you don’t quite belong, that you’re
different.
Does that
explain my struggle I alluded to at the beginning? It’s a struggle,
self-conscious or not, that plagues nearly every immigrant who came to their
new country too old to fully master the new language. It’s the reason that
typically immigrant children at a certain age would feel embarrassed by their
parents and tried to distance themselves from their parental roots. It’s one of
the reasons that I, because I don’t have native fluency in Frisian and Dutch
anymore, don’t and can’t feel as much at home here as I do in the States. It’s
an important reason that most immigrants never quite come to feel at home in
their adopted land.
But
if language jeopardizes their necessary sense of belonging, what then takes its
place?
For
many immigrants, that’s been the church... the church where they could listen
to sermons in their own language... where everything was familiar. Where
everything could and should stay as it had always been for them: the doctrines
and interpretations, the points of view and practices, the liturgy and the
music. Where they could meet and talk with fellow immigrants in their own
tongue. Where they could feel at home; where they could belong. Church: the
safe haven in a sea of change that sometimes threatened to swallow them; the
point of stability when everything else was in flux.
Not every immigrant
belonged to the church, of course. Those that didn't often had an even more
difficult time with loneliness. They tried to establish Frisian societies, but
that succeeded only in those large cities where many immigrants had settled.
My
leitmotif in this talk is "the quest to belong." The language, I said,
had much to do with that quest, but there were other problems as well.
To
accelerate their sense of belonging as children, they would have to attend
school, of course. I had finished grade school already, really, but my parents
on the advice of others decided to send me to 8th grade to gain a full mastery
of the language. (If they hadn't done that, well, I hardly dare think how
differently my life might've turned out.)
So
I went to school. But first shopping with mom for some new school clothes. We
couldn't afford much, of course, for it was slim picking at first. But mom
wanted her son, named after grandpa Hoekstra, to be well dressed. That
good-looking wool pants with the nice-colored thread was a bit more expensive
than the ordinary cotton pants, but OK, her son needed to make a good
impression, after all.
But
that turned out quite the other way. All the boys had cotton pants, while I was
in my dressy pants that was good enough to wear to church. As a new young
fellow going to a foreign school in a foreign land you want to be as
inconspicuous as possible. But I wore the wrong kind of pants. Everything went
wrong. It was a situation something like Joseph and the many-colored coat. The
6th grade boys teased me mercilessly. So poor mom had to go back to the store
to buy new cotton pants.
For
young folk between the age of 12 and 18 the quest to belong is especially an
urgent and important one. That was often a problem for children of immigrants.
In the first years for me too.
A
couple of other immigrant boys were in the 8th grade with me. That was good for
some company, on the one hand. But there was another side: the more you would
hang out with other immigrants, the more you were separated from the other kids
you really wanted to be a part of.
And
then there was sport. As boys you really wanted to participate in sports, of
course. But the sport wasn't soccer but basketball and baseball, and you knew
nothing about those sports. All you could do was watch kind of helplessly, and
the teachers didn't have time, naturally, to start teaching you some of the
basics. So the quest to belong was frustrated here too.
And
then the girls. I already had an eye for cute girls. But most of the cute girls
didn't want to have much to do with immigrant boys. Those girls had their own
quest to belong, to be sure, and because immigrants were pretty low on the
totem pole, the cutest and best looking turned their backs to us.
Most
Frisian immigrant children at that time were finished with their education after
8th grade. Though I wanted to continue, I too quit school. It was a difficult
time for my parents, and as children we had to help out. But, of course, that
also meant that you hardly had anything to do anymore with the young people of
your own age who were still in school. I recall that time of the immigrant
adventure still very clearly. Sometimes when I'd be working in the field with
the tractor, my thoughts would wander back to the fatherland, to the fields
around our farm where I knew every gully and thorn bush, and to the relatives
and friends we had left behind. It would catch me by surprise, but all of a
sudden the tears would come and a profound feeling of homesickness would
momentarily weigh on my heart. Maybe that's why I started to write letters to
girls in Friesland and other places in the Netherlands. But it's not easy to
stick a date inside a letter, so that finally didn't go anywhere.
"The quest to
belong" in the new land, however, continued, for the parents, but also for
the children. And as the church played a role in the life of the parents, it
often did likewise in the life of the children. In my church--and later on I
attended a different church from my parents--I became a leader of the young
people's society, a singer in a male quartet, became friends with non-immigrant
young people, and gradually became completely integrated into the spiritual and
cultural and social life of my second country. The church for me has always
been a very positive influence. And it still is. And I'm grateful for that.
I
could, of course, go on to talk in detail about a lot of other things. About
what happens when the church changes too. About the years of hard work for most
immigrants before the future began to look a little brighter. About the
ambitions of immigrant children and the remarkable success achieved by so many
of the first and second generation. But we have Galema's book and Speerstra’s
book, and we're still going to have a discussion period.
Let
me end on a personal note; and I wish that my dad and mom could’ve heard me say
this, especially right here in the capital of Fryslân, for I think it would’ve
warmed their hearts.
I don’t know why my
parents emigrated. I regret that for them, for the most part, it turned into
"it wrede paradys," especially because dad died before he had the
chance to enjoy the heavy labor of his hands. But my brother and sisters will
always be grateful that they did, for it has enriched our lives immeasurably.
[I must add something
here too, at my wife’s request. She said on the way to the airport where she
was dropping me off, "Tell them that your wife is grateful too."
Wasn’t that sweet of her?]
Emigration opened up a
New World of experience and opportunity in a land we have come to love. But it
also intensified our connections to the Old World, our fatherland with its
unique beauty and identity; the place of our roots, of the family we left
behind: uncles and aunts and many cousins. We’ve kept coming back to all of it
because it still fulfills for us our own "quest to belong."